So, you think you
know it all
when it comes to sex? You've tried The Tradesman's entrance,
felching, Coprophilia, Flagellation, Infantilism, Autoerotic Asphyxia and even Shit Blistering
fishing. Well now you can try these nineteen
new sex tips, specially developed and fully tested by The New Site of the Weird
team while we were on holiday in
The Tea bagging The all time classic
manoeuvre of tapping your cock on a chick's forehead whilst she is
sucking on your balls, and uttering the timeless phrase "Who's your
The Angry Dragon Immediately
after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head
and make it come out of her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an
Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch The once in a lifetime act of blowing a hot steamy load down the back of a girl's throat and then proceeding to give her a large cold bottle of your favourite carbonated drink, making her guzzle it down. Then, shake
her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
The Donkey Punch Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the
penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
The Flaming Amazon This one's for all you
out there. When you're screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then... extinguish the flames with your jizz!
The Flying Camel
Our personal favourite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her on your knees, you very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms on your dick while it is still inserted in her vertical
seafood taco. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl, much likea flying camel.Strictly a classy move.
The Zombie Mask While getting head from your favourite,unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore,tell her you want her
to look right up at you withthose "pretty little eyes"when you blow your load. Then, just when you'reready to spew a good weeksworth of goo,blast that hefty load in both eyes.
This temporarystate of blindness willproduce the zombie effect as she stumbles around theroom with armsoutstretched,
and moaning like the walking dead.
The Houdini Going at it doggy-style until you are just about
to come, then pull out andspit on her back so she
thinks that you have. When she turns
around a blast isunleashed into her face andshe is left shocked and amazed, wondering how youmanaged it.
See below A time honoured event in which while laying the bonedoggy-style, you insertyour finger into
her arsehole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upperlip, leaving a thin shitmoustache. This makes her look like someone whosename is
The Pink Sock
First, trick your girlfriend into having anal sex. At the moment of
climax, donkey-punch your woman in the back of the head and withdraw
your penis quickly. The resulting inverted colon is known as a "pink
A seldom-seen manoeuvre when you put your testicles over her eye
sockets while getting head. It may be anatomically impossible, but
what the fuck else is new!
The Bait N' Tackle
The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for
a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely
with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The
earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein
load will keep them nicely fed.
when two gay men are making love, and the man behind cums into the
other man's bottom, the man farts the cum into the other man's face.
Frosting the Cake When you are about to cum, blow a load all over her chest. Then
take your dick and evenly spread the Jism around the breasts and over
the nipples. Then stick some candles on it and start singing "Happy
Birthday." Then blow out the candles.
When a girl takes hot sauce and pours it on your cock. She then
proceeds to give you a blowjob, making sure all of the hot sauce is
Fuck a chick until you've built up a load large enough to paint a
room. Blow it all in her hair, rub it in thoroughly. When it dries
it will resemble the crunchy noodles often served with chop suey.
This is where a girl has a cock in each of her three holes, hence,
The Cleveland Steamer
When you're ready to come, blow all over her tummy and chest. Jump on
board! Slide on your arse (while sitting forward) back to front on the lubed areas all the while pumping your fist in the air tooting your
horn like a steam locomotive. The Cleveland Steamer!
monkey face The act of blowing your Love Custard onto your ladies
face, at which point you 'decorate' the said ladies mess with your
own artfully concealed pubic hair- 'hey presto' MONKEY FACE The Rodeo While doing
a girl doggy style have your friends wait outside the room, then when
you yell GO they all run in, turn on the lights and start cheering.
Now this will cause the girl to get mighty uncomfortable and she will
start trying to get away from you QUICK This is where the fun comes
in hang on as long as you can and try to ride it out yelling yeehaaawww.
TNSOTW reader Martin says: "My personal best as about 12
seconds very fun and great at parties"
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