Good news for adventurous tourists who want something different. . . You can now book an Air France tour to see the Titanic!

Michael Jackson has cancelled his UK tour after he discovered £2000 for a ten year old actually refers to the car scrappage scheme.

Elton john goes to a tattooist and says "I want a Rolls Royce tattooed on my cock".
"You'd be better off with a Land Rover" replies the tattooist, "it won't get stuck in the shit".

A visitor to a mental institution asked the director who decided which patients should be kept in. The director said "we fill up a bath, then offer the patient a teaspoon, teacup or a bucket and ask them to empty the bathtub". The visitor said, "Oh I see a normal person would chose the bucket because it's the biggest". The director said no, a normal person would pull the fucking plug out. Would you like a bed near the window"?

The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. Very nice but I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

13 yr old Alfie Patten has joined Fathers 4 Justice
A Spokesman commented 'He may not understand the politics yet but he does have his own Spiderman costume'

Alfie Patten is more mature than he's given credit for.
He's 13 coming on 15.

Just bought the Jade Goody 2009 calendar...fuckin' rip-off, only goes up to April !

A man with a circumcised penis walks into asda and says i bet u cant roll that fucker back.

The E.U. has decided that you are no longer allowed to use the word Pikey! You must now use the phrase 'Caravan Utilising Nomadic Travellers' or C.U.N.T's for short.

Driving instructor says to a welsh farmer "Can you make a u-turn?" farmer replies "listen boyo...I can make its fucking eyes water if I go in dry!"

A pikey girl writes to a problem page, dear anna, I'm 13 years old and still a virgin......do you think my brothers are gay

Wife reads an article, "Wow! A bull can have sex 3000 times a year... I wish u could do the same". Hubby replies, "Ask the bull if he screws the same cow'

Dear Jonathan Ross I've shagged your daughter! Who's laughing now.. Lots of love, Gary Glitter x

A man went to marks & spencers to buy his wife a maternity bra. The shop assistant asks 'What bust?' the man replies 'THE FUCKIN CONDOM!'

My local council has introduced clear plastic bin bags. They says it's so the pikeys can go window shopping.

It is now illegal to wear your clothes on the wrong part of your body, take Gary Glitter for example he was jailed for putting a Thai on his cock.

Breaking news- police have re-arrested Gary glitter they have found class A drugs in his kitchen, class B drugs in his living room and class 5c in his bedroom.

Man marries deaf girl. He says we must work out a code: if i want sex i will stroke your breast - you reply by pulling my cock ONCE for YES or 62 times for NO.

A bloke walks up to a bird in a night club, and says, hi, my names Bond ! She says, "don't tell me, its JAMES. He said, "no its, UNI, I'm here to fill yer crack.

A man is sitting at home looking at his marriage certificate. His wife asks what are you looking for? He replies the fucking expiry date

Wife says to her husband: "Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time". Husband says: "Your fanny is tighter than your sister's".

5c asda asks bull buy called class cock code date dear decided drugs facebook far farmer found fucking Gary girl glitter hubby husband illegal jonathan laughing living longer looking man marries Muslim night pikey re-arrested reads replies ross sex shop site spencers think times touch walks wife wish year