Company terms and conditions: Whilst some care is taken to describe our Clantoot Gold credit card in an accurate and honest way,
some terms and interest charges may differ from the advertised description. Although the terms and conditions are checked periodically by
an independent financial ombudsman, we cannot guarantee these products will be free of any rather unpleasant hidden costs to you. ** All
payments made are charged an interest fee of 1430% All payments made are based on a 18 Month contract and cannot be cancelled
under any circumstances. Your home and health could be at risk if payments are missed. *A deposit of £100 is required before we can
approve your application. A small (non-refundable) processing fee of £18.49 is added to your application to cover administration costs.
The Betty Hubbard Clinic and Doctor Skcollob take no responsibility for any misguided decisions you may make to take out a credit card
agreement with us. Please allow up to 128 days from the date of your application for any paperwork to be dispatched to you. The
information contained in this site does not constitute legal, commercial or professional advice and must not be relied on as such. **Calls
cost £1.30 per minute from a mobile or landline number. Minimum call time is five minutes and may be much longer.
Clantoot Gold is a part of the financial division of The Betty Hubbard Clinic group of companies. Registered Office: 41, Fourtney Mews, off
Germain street, London WC1 TA4 United Kingdom. Registered Number 2345345 Registered in England and Wales.
Representative Example:
Representative APR: 134.9% APR variable
Monthly fee: £99
Every time you use your card, you earn cashback in the form of Clantoot points
to spend at The Betty Hubbard Clinic or any of its partner companies. If you’re
saving for a full-blown sex change procedure or even a simple MARP fitting,
you’ll be amazed how quickly your points add up.
Note: This is for illustrative purposes only and actual total amount of credit may (will) differ.
Apply for your Clantoot Gold card today and
receive 1000 bonus points and a FREE spa break when you are accepted.
CAN I FIND OUT IF I MAY BE ELIGIBLE FOR A CLANTOOT GOLD CARD WITHOUT IMPACTING MY CREDIT
RATING?
No
WILL YOU BE MAKING A CREDIT CHECK ON ME?
Yes. We’d be mad not to.
WILL I NEED TO SEND IN EXTRA PAPERWORK?
Yes. We require your bank statements for the last 12 months, a copy of your birth certificate and passport, plus the
deeds of your house. If you plan to borrow more than £5000 we also require a spare set of keys to your
house and car.
WHAT HAPPENS IF I CANNOT REPAY MY CREDIT CARD BALANCE
In the first instance we will send you numerous threatening letters demanding you repay the outstanding debt. If
the money owed is still not repaid in full after 28 days from the receipt of the last letter sent to you, then our team
of highly skilled debt collectors is sent to your house to gently persuade you (at gunpoint) to repay the loan. Your
name, address and photograph are then added to our blacklisted insolvents webpage. You then have a further 28
days to repay the balance in full. If the debt is not fully repaid after this time, you are evicted from your house and
the property is duly sold at auction to cover the outstanding debt owed to us and numerous other fees you will
subsequently be liable for.
CASH
Your Clantoot card has a whopping
£1,000,000 limit
PROTECTION
Your Clantoot card is fully
protected*
POINTS
Collect points towards medical
procedures
Skcollob Finance
If you’re looking for a loan rather than a credit card, then why not
apply for a Skcollob loan. We believe these great loans are the best
value on the market today.
Our Clantoot Gold credit card has won multiple
industry awards
Our friendly operator Edith is waiting to take your call**
We’re here to help
We've already helped more than 100 people -
and we could help you too.
1. What are the benefits of using a Clantoot Gold credit card?
Every time you use your card, you earn cashback in the form of Clantoot points to spend at The Betty
Hubbard Clinic
2. How do I apply for a Clantoot Gold credit card?
You can apply for a credit card by calling our helpful call centre operative Edith.
3. What is the credit limit?
The credit limit is an incredible £1 million pounds!
4. What should I do if my credit card is lost or stolen?
Start panicking. we have no way of replacing deactivating a lost or stolen card. if
found or stolen by a stranger, they could rack-up thousands of pounds of debt
in your name, which you will be liable for.
5. Is there a fee for using a credit card?
Yes, please see the terms and conditions at the bottom of this
page.
6. How can I best manage my credit card debt?
To manage credit card debt effectively, make your payments
on time every month or there could be dire consequences.
Here’s a helpful list of our most commonly asked
questions.
“Clantoot's credit card helped me manage my extravagant spending efficiently. The
rewards are amazing. I’ve nearly saved-up enough points to have my gunt removed
at the Betty Hubbard Clinic!”
Elsie Cocksocks, Norwich
"Clantoot Gold helped me choose the perfect credit card that suits my utterly
depraved lifestyle. Their team is quite knowledgeable and responsive. My friends
cant believe that I’m now a millionaire!"
Dick Wonk, Dorset
I highly recommend Clantoot Gold for all your
credit card needs. They made the application
process seamless and hassle-free, especially
after I gave them a spare set of keys to my
house and car. I now have a million pounds to
spend on an extension on my house, to
store my collection of little fluffy toys.
Hilda Gland, Bristol
“Doctor Skcollob told me it would be a
great idea to apply for one of these
Clantoot Gold credit cards, so I did. It were
great cause I spent the million quid on booze,
drugs, prostitutes, exotic
holidays and fast cars”
Brian Spunkwort,
Somerset
We believe our Clantoot Gold credit card is the best in the business,
but don’t take our word for it, just take a look at these glowing
recommendations.
CLANTOOT GOLD - THE WORLD’S FIRST £1 MILLION CREDIT CARD!
Clantoot Gold – What You Need to Know (Read This, Seriously)
These Terms and Conditions govern the use of the Clantoot Gold Credit Card (“the Card”), issued by Clantoot Financial
Services (“the Issuer”). By activating or using the Card, you agree to be bound by these Terms and Conditions.
1. The Interest Rate
•
The APR is 134.9%. Yes, you read that correctly. If you carry a balance, it’s going to grow fast. Don’t act surprised later.
2. Paying Your Bill
•
Pay on time. Every month. If you don’t, fees will hit you, and they won’t be small. Your house, car and any other valuable
possessions you own, could be at risk if payments are missed
•
The minimum payment is the bare minimum. Paying only that means you’ll be in debt longer than you’d like.
3. Using the Card
•
Use it for purchases, cash withdrawals, whatever — just don’t use it for anything illegal. That’s on you.
•
If you go over your limit, expect a huge fee. We’re not going to pretend otherwise. We do not rule-out the use of extreme
violence to get our money back.
4. Fees
•
Late fees, cash advance fees, over limit fees — they exist. They’re real. They apply. Don’t act shocked when we show up at
your door with weapons.
•
The monthly privilege fee for using this card is £99
5. Security
•
Keep your card and PIN safe. If you lose them and don’t tell us quickly, that’s on you as we are unable to cancel your card.
•
Report suspicious activity immediately. We’re good, but we’re not fucking psychic.
6. Changes
•
Terms can change. We will ‘forget’ to tell you when they do. Complaining about it won’t stop it.
7. Cancelling
Once your card has been activated, it cannot be cancelled under any circumstances, so you still must pay what you owe. The balance
doesn’t magically disappear, you fucking idiots.
8. Data Protection
Your personal information will not be processed in accordance with applicable data protection laws. Your data will be used for
spamming activities and sold to various corrupt businesses for the highest price possible.
Clantoot Gold isn’t just a credit card. It’s a statement. A declaration that you operate
on a different level — where limits don’t define you, they follow you.
Crafted for individuals who move fast, think big, and live without compromise, Clantoot Gold
introduces the world’s first £1,000,000 credit limit. This is financial freedom reimagined,
engineered for those who expect more than the ordinary.
Why Clantoot Gold Stands Alone
Unprecedented Spending Power: A full million
pounds at your command, ready for opportunities,
investments, or indulgences.
Elite Global Recognition: Designed for seamless
acceptance worldwide, with priority support wherever you
go.
Security Without Friction:
Advanced protection technology that
keeps your transactions safe.
“I’m a
millionaire!”
“I’m a
millionaire!”
NOW ANYONE CAN BE A MILLIONAIRE!
“I’M A MILLIONAIRE THANKS TO CLANTOOT GOLD!”
Watch our new TV ad here
