Don’t get bummed, get a MARP
Now every man has the opportunity to be kept safe from the dangers of Homosexual perverts
The original version of the MARP has been one of the most popular devices available, here at the Betty
Hubbard Clinic. Now, thanks to months of development and testing, we are proud to announce the second
version of this unique product. MARP2 has been totally re-designed to be the most advanced product of its
kind ever made.
Planning on getting all lagered-up in an area known to be frequented by
homosexuals and recently-released long-term prisoners? Then you’re
going to need a MARP to avoid the embarrassment of waking up face
down with a sore arse and a note in your back pocket saying "thanks for a
wonderful evening". The anus is a delicate organ, and one which we rely
on to do it's day-to-day business without disruption, that is why we
developed the MARP.
The patented MARP-2 is a technologically advanced plug-type device
which is sewn permanently in place into your anal cavity by our own
trained surgeons at the Betty Hubbard Clinic. If you prefer, the device can
also be fitted in the comfort and privacy of your own home. The MARP uses a unique one-way Gas-Vent™ non-drip
valve so your own body gases and solids are easily passed out of your system, but nothing can enter into it, so you
are kept 100% safe all of the time. Plus, that's not all! Thanks to clever internal electronics the MARP protects you as
you sleep emitting an ear-piercing 98db alarm if anything comes even close to your buttocks. The MARP is also fitted
with silicon o-ring seals to guard against leakage.
Don't delay, in this day and age you can't afford not to fitted with a MARP! See our website for our other unique
products and services.
Dr. Wan Kin Gai with the MARP insertion tool
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Sewn permanently in place.
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Unique gas-vent™ valve.
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Built-in alarm system.
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Recommended by Healthcare
Professionals.
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10 year battery life.
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Guaranteed for 5 years.
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Developed by top scientists.
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Fully fitted in only 35 minutes.
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Laser guided alignment for the perfect fit.
Please note: After having your MARP fitted you may have difficulty walking for approximately 24 hours, this is quite normal and is
nothing to worry about. You may also suffer intermittent rectal bleeding and leakage for approximately 4 days after your procedure.
A noted side-effect of this device is a loud high-pitched whistling noise whilst breaking wind. Please be aware of this fact before your
fitting. In a very small percentage of unrelated cases these devices have been known to explode, causing rectal lacerations.
All Operations procedures performed by non-Qualified, semi-skilled Surgeons. The Betty Hubbard Clinic Bio-Science Laboratories
except no responsibility for loss of life or disability due to any side effects caused by an ill fitting or misaligned MARP. Please consult
your physician before making any healthcare decisions or for guidance about a specific medical condition you stupid cunts. The
Betty Hubbard Clinic expressly disclaims responsibility, and shall have no liability, for any damages, loss, injury to your Dung Trumpet
and Gammon washer, or liability whatsoever suffered as a result of your reliance on the information contained in this site. The Betty
Hubbard Clinic does not endorse specifically any test, treatment, or procedure mentioned on this site. *£399.99 plus £199 fitting and
alignment charge
The Betty Hubbard Clinic is part of The Machine that goes ping group of companies
Help spread the cost of your MARP fitting with a Clantoot
credit card. Apply here or a specially tailored payment
plan from Skcollob Loans.
FREE T-shirt offer.
Order your MARP fitting today and
receive this special deterrent T-shirt -
your first line of defence. Any pervert
will think twice before trying to have
their evil way with you.
We come to you.
Now you can have your MARP2 inserted in the comfort of your own
home. If you cannot for any reason visit us at the clinic for your
procedure, we now have a small fleet of specially equipped surgery
vans covering the UK. Click on the map to see the areas of the UK
covered by our vans and book your home appointment now!
Our fitting specialist, Doctor Wan Kin Gai, demonstrates how quick and easy a MARP fitting can be
Case study – Alfonso Mongwits, London
“I had the original MARP fitted about five years ago, I’d been very happy with it, but
noticed recently that is was making an irritating beeping noise every five minutes
and worryingly, I could sometimes feel it slide out of alignment when I had a bowel
movement. I contacted the Betty Hubbard Clinic and they informed me that the
battery was low and needed replacing.
I made an appointment to see Doctor Skcollob there that week. After examining me
he confirmed that the battery was indeed dying and the rubber O-ring seals that
hold the device in place had rotted away. He explained that he could either rip the
old device out with pliers and change the battery and seals, or alternatively, I could
have a brand new, updated device fitted. I thought to myself, why not and had a
brand new MARP2 fitted there and then.
As a straight man working in a gay bar, a device such as this is a must, so the cost of t he new MARP was well
worth the relatively high cost. The fitting of my new MARP was very straightforward as it was performed
under local anaesthetic using dissolvable stitches. I found it difficult and agonising to sit-down for a couple of
days after my op and had painful rectal bleeding, but the helpful staff at the clinic assured me this was quite
normal. Now everything seems to have settled down after my op, I would not hesitate to recommend this
marvellous device. It’s so comfortable that I hardly know it’s there and I can sleep soundly at night, knowing
I’m not in any danger from deviants”
Our mascot Mickey Marp says-
“Hey guys, stay safe, get
yourself fitted with a MARP
today!
T-shirt offer.
Order your MARP T-shirt - Any pervert
will think twice before trying to have
their evil way with you.
