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The Betty Hubbard Clinic Haemorrhoid Removal Service Don’t let your piles ruin your life, get them sorted now!
We come to you. Now you can get rid of your hideous haemorrhoids in the comfort of your own home. If you cannot for any reason visit us at the clinic due to mobility or embarrassment issues, we now have a small fleet of specially equipped vans covering the UK. Book your home appointment with one of our semi-skilled technicians now!
Here at the Betty Hubbard Clinic we have been at the forefront of Medical innovation since 1903 when we pioneered the first Sex Change operation. Haemorrhoids, piles, grapes, dangleberries. whatever you like to call them they are the scourge of many people’s lives and are a major problem that won’t go away without surgery. Now, with our vast experience of everything medical, we can help you with your embarrassing haemorrhoid problem quickly and efficiently. Our treatments need no form of anaesthetic and require only minimal recuperation period after each session. In fact, our haemorrhoid treatment is often referred to as ‘lunchtime pile removal’ because many people can have their session during their lunch hour and then go back to work afterwards. Our haemorrhoid treatment itself is quick, painless and most patients say, very relaxing. The specially developed removal tools target the areas where you want to lose your unsightly dangling piles, they safely* cut through or burn the skin and burst the offending appendages. We then stitch your anus back together with extra strong fishing line so nothing can fall out again. Only £199 per treatment (a minimum of four treatments is recommended)
Procedures carried out at The Betty Hubbard Clinic or your own home. Best price guaranteed or we’ll give you twice the difference. You’ll be In and out of the clinic in only one day. Totally safe* procedure using the latest surgery techniques and equipment.
With our special unique treatment you’ll feel proud that you’ve lost your hideous troublesome dangling piles forever
* Warning: This procedure is still in its infancy, so therefore may cause heavy internal bleeding, first-degree burns, anal tearing, memory loss, excessive flatulence, diarrhoea and many, yet undiscovered side-effects. Do not rely on this removal process totally as it has been known to cause serious health problems such as death. Please consult your doctor before committing yourself to any unproven medical procedures or taking any untested or unlicensed medication. Please note that our mandatory health insurance premium of £1000 is required before we can carry out any procedure. A small fee of £49 to cover administration costs is required from patients before any procedure can be carried out. The Betty Hubbard Clinic shall take no responsibility for the misuse of any equipment used by us due to insufficient staff training. We sometimes find it necessary to perform emergency operations on certain patients due to circumstances beyond our control. In these situations, any surgical waste is used in our meat products without the express permission of the individual concerned. We show little respect for your personal information and your privacy and will share or sell your information to other organisations or the highest bidder. The information contained in this site does not constitute legal, commercial or professional advice and must not be relied on as such.
Help spread the cost of your treatments with a specially tailored payment plan from Skcollob Loans or alternatively you can apply for a Clantoot credit card here.
five star reviews
Our piles specialist nurse Lana Nibbats explains our special haemorrhoids removal process in this informative video.
Why do people rely on us to remove their piles?
Quotes from our patients “I had loads of piles cut out of my arse, apparently they was made into Skcollob sausages Barry Shitpeas, Glasgow. “I was in agony before I had my piles completely sliced off and made into faggots. My life has been transformed, plus it makes me feel proud that a family of poor people won’t go hungry for a while” Tarquin Phuknugget , Skegness. “I feel like a new man now that I’ve had most of my haemorrhoids removed. The surgeon told me they was so big that he had to burn them off with a type of soldering iron and he’d cut so many veins out of my anus that there was enough to make meatballs Billy Crapjam, London “I don’t have sit on a rubber ring no more as most of my arse was made into a lasagne that fed a family of six” Fred Ebullana, Bristol
get your fucking t-shirt now!
Show the world you support our marvellous medical procedures by purchasing this stylish t-shirt made from 100% cotton. £19.99
We also supply (at extra cost) specially developed, oversized rubber knickers to help contain any liquid waste that is passed out of your body whilst the haemorrhoids procedure is taking place. These special undergarments also come with a separate, sealable plastic bag and pre- paid address label if you wish to send the effluent to us, to be made into Skcollob Sausages and other tasty food products.