Who the Hell is Arnold
extract from 'A Piece of Cake'
by renowned biographer Dick Mirkin.
Pisstanga was once one of Australia's most famous TV Chefs (or should we
say infamous) in fact even more famous than our very own Jamie Oliver!
began in Sydney in 1979 Where he made regular appearances at the 'Sticky
Pudding Club' with his best friend and assistant Ginger Medeiros. He
later made the break into TV acting, playing the cook in Channel 9's
Prisoner cell block H. Unfortunately his scenes were never broadcast due
Australia's obscenity laws and a falling out with the shows producer
whom he shot dead in a drunken rage.
after being sacked from the show, Arnold and Ginger appeared in their
own Pirate TV show, 'Late & Messy' but after a run of only three
episodes and the subsequent animal cruelty allegations involving a
chimpanzee and a microwave oven, they decided to escape to the UK to
seek fame and fortune. On entering the UK they set up a production
company 'Pisstanga Productions' and made their own video, The Arnold
Pisstanga DIY Show. The video production was a complete and
utter disaster, selling only around thirty copies worldwide! Undeterred
by the video's poor sales Arnold made yet another career move by
advertising Wanki™ beer on Japanese TV (see pic below) sadly this was
also a piece of bad luck for Arnold as his interpretation of the
Japanese language and customs didn't go down very well with the Asia
market. As a result of his advertising 'skills', sales of the Wanki™ beer
brand fell by almost 90% over night in Japan.
advertising Wanki beer™ on Japanese TV
the failed beer ads, Arnold decided to try and break into the lucrative
Children's toy market by selling various tat disguised as quality toys
(see pics below) Sales of the highly overpriced Arnold themed toys were going
surprisingly well, earning him a small fortune. unfortunately because of the
unbelievably bad quality of the toys, several children were injured or
playing with them, either by chocking on small parts or by
being stabbed by the razor sharp objects inside the toys. The most
fatalities however were caused by the Arnold's kitchen play set. The
Children's plastic play kitchen caused the deaths of 16 children and 4
Adults worldwide due to a wiring fault, causing the toys to explode in
their faces when the control wheel was set to simmer.
The lethal Arnold Pisstanga play set, doll
and action figures were withdrawn from sale.
losing the fortune made from their toy range to pay for huge legal costs
and compensation claims, Arnold and Ginger had to quickly find another
product to try and sell to the gullible public. After a few months
research the 'Arnold Hand-made pizza range' was born. The idea
was simple; sell handmade pizzas with unique toppings from Arnold's
own recipes from their own cable TV channel. Unfortunately this was a lot easier said
than done as Arnold's idea of new and exciting toppings was vastly
different to the publics. The channel went bankrupt after only three
weeks with debts of over £900,000. Ever the Entrepreneur Arnold sold the
remaining 3 million pizza bases to the Nigerians as toilet seats.
advertising one of his horrendously unsuccessful range of pizzas on cable TV.
Arnold Bedside KY- Jelly™ dispenser, another marketing disaster.
Arnold later made guest appearances in such programs as,
321, 'The Krankies'
and 'The Little and Large Show' he also swears he once fucked TV
cook Fanny Cradock, Sadly, Ginger has disappeared without trace and has not been seen or
heard of to
this day, although there have been some rumours that he is running a
seedy little bar in Turkey (click on the thumb below)
Arnold is currently the consultant chef at our very own
takeaway service He has also been appointed as a consultant
on the second series of ITV's 'Hells Kitchen' and is negotiating with programme chiefs at Channel
5 for his own late night cookery show, which he will no doubt get as
they broadcast any old shite.
Arnold's biography A piece of cake.
available soon. Only
Available in all good bookshops & most crap ones
A preview clip of the
Arnold Pisstanga show.
The DVD will available soon. email us
if you're interested in a FREE copy
A young Arnold in a rare still from one of his first appearances on
a cable TV cooking show entitled 'slappers and sausages'
Arnold & Ginger in some rare stills from
their many appearances together.
click on the
images to enlarge
A young Arnold poses for the camera.
The Arnold Pisstanga range of Lego™ themed toys never
made it into production.
Arnold and Ginger's on-screen drinking got out
Your very own cut-out and keep Arnold
order your very own NSOTW T-Shirts, thongs, bags and stickers etc through our
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