Who the Hell is Arnold Pisstanga?

extract from 'A Piece of Cake' by renowned biographer Dick Mirkin.

 

Arnold Pisstanga was once one of Australia's most famous TV Chefs (or should we say infamous) in fact even more famous than our very own Jamie Oliver!

Arnold's career  began in Sydney in 1979 Where he made regular appearances at the 'Sticky Pudding Club' with his best friend and assistant Ginger Medeiros. He later made the break into TV acting, playing the cook in Channel 9's  Prisoner cell block H. Unfortunately his scenes were never broadcast due Australia's obscenity laws and a falling out with the shows producer whom he shot dead in a drunken rage.

Shortly after being sacked from the show, Arnold and Ginger appeared in their own Pirate TV show, 'Late & Messy'  but after a run of only three episodes and the subsequent animal cruelty allegations involving a chimpanzee and a microwave oven, they decided to escape to the UK to seek fame and fortune. On entering the UK they set up a production company 'Pisstanga Productions' and made their own video, The Arnold Pisstanga  DIY Show. The video production was a complete and utter disaster, selling only around thirty copies worldwide! Undeterred by the video's poor sales Arnold made yet another career move by advertising Wanki™ beer on Japanese TV (see pic below) sadly this was also a piece of bad luck for Arnold as his interpretation of the Japanese language and customs didn't go down very well with the Asia market. As a result of his advertising 'skills', sales of the Wanki™ beer brand fell by almost 90% over night in Japan.

Arnold advertising  Wanki beer™  on Japanese TV

After the failed beer ads, Arnold decided to try and break into the lucrative Children's toy market by selling various tat disguised as quality toys (see pics below) Sales of the highly overpriced Arnold themed toys were going surprisingly well, earning him a small fortune. unfortunately because of the unbelievably bad quality of the toys, several children were injured or even killed playing with them, either by chocking on small parts or by being stabbed by the razor sharp objects inside the toys. The most fatalities however were caused by the Arnold's kitchen play set. The notorious Children's plastic play kitchen caused the deaths of 16 children and 4 Adults worldwide due to a wiring fault, causing the toys to explode in their faces when the control wheel was set to simmer.

The lethal Arnold Pisstanga play set, doll and action figures were withdrawn from sale.

After losing the fortune made from their toy range to pay for huge legal costs and compensation claims, Arnold and Ginger had to quickly find another product to try and sell to the gullible public. After a few months research the 'Arnold Hand-made pizza range' was born. The idea was simple; sell handmade pizzas with unique toppings from Arnold's own recipes from their own cable TV channel. Unfortunately this was a lot easier said than done as Arnold's idea of new and exciting toppings was vastly different to the publics. The channel went bankrupt after only three weeks with debts of over £900,000. Ever the Entrepreneur Arnold sold the remaining 3 million pizza bases to the Nigerians as toilet seats.

Arnold advertising one of his horrendously unsuccessful range of pizzas on cable TV.

 The  Arnold Bedside KY- Jelly™ dispenser, another marketing disaster.

Arnold later made guest appearances in such programs as, 321, 'The Krankies' and 'The Little and Large Show' he also swears he once fucked TV cook Fanny Cradock, Sadly, Ginger has disappeared without trace and has not been seen or heard of to this day, although there have been some rumours that he is running a seedy little bar in Turkey (click on the thumb below)

Arnold is currently the consultant chef at our very own Chinese takeaway  service He has also been appointed as a consultant on the second series of ITV's 'Hells Kitchen' and is negotiating with programme chiefs at Channel 5  for his own late night cookery show, which he will no doubt get as they broadcast any old shite.
 

Adapted from Arnold's biography  A piece of cake. available soon.  Only £14.99   Available in all good bookshops & most crap ones

A preview clip of the Arnold Pisstanga show.
The DVD will available soon. email us here if you're interested in a FREE copy

A young Arnold in a rare still from one of his first appearances on a cable TV  cooking show entitled 'slappers and sausages'

Arnold & Ginger in some rare stills from  their many appearances together. click on the images to enlarge
A young Arnold poses for the camera.	The Arnold Pisstanga range of Lego™ themed toys never made it into production.	Arnold and Ginger's on-screen drinking got out of control.

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